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Very revealing day, I found myself looking at, in the context of “if I would leave the world today”, grieving about how I know so recently where my talents are, that I didnt put the dedication and hours, days and years in a conscious effort towards building a life and constructing, of having instead of that being in the addiction process. I also felt a big desire to do something about it, and found myself in conflict and negativity because of the intention to spend my day working for having power (money, power, position) and to stay with a strong commitment to spirituality , and also accept the fact that the past is the past and “cooling myself down” about the quarrels that arose during the day . Hatred also arose at the fact that im a “nobody” in this world (no money, no position, no wordly power) and that I havent been accepting of the truth that my own actions took me to be where I am today. Also I found myself very tempted to hold or look at egoic goals I had when in the same disease process and finding myself tempted to think that ego goals are something that I could finish and find pleasure in and that they hold worthwhile promises. A lot of quarreling about falsehood and also about accepting the truth (a feeling of “injustice” arose about accepting the truth that the justice of the Universe is perfect). I blessed what is on the list with the knowingness that I have made peace with it and ended involvement with it. Happy and grateful for having done this work.
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